The Squirrels Have Declared War!

I'm an indoor kind of person. I don't camp, I don't go walking in the forest preserves, I do not feel the need to be outside infringing on the space of wildlife. So why do they feel the need to infringe on mine. There are three places that I consider to be my space, my car, where I work and my home. It's bad enough that lately on the way to and from work I have had to deal wit suicidal deer who stand a foot or two off a busy street and look like they could jump out at any moment. But I am once again under attack from squirrels.

This is not the first time these fuzzy tailed rats have staged an attack on me. Two years ago after Rob put the air conditioners in I woke up to a loud crash in my house. When I came out of the bedroom there was a squirrel staring up at me from my dining room floor. It took two of us to chase the little flea infested devil out of the house. But this seemed like one isolated sneak attack from a rogue squirrel.

Now it seems that the fluffy tailed rats have declared war. About two weeks ago I was trying to walk from my car into my office and this brave little squirrel got between me and the exit of the garage and refused to move. Eventually I managed t sneak past him after several minutes of evasive maneuvers. Then yesterday a kamikaze squirrel crashed into our dining room window. At this point I should have known something was terribly wrong. Today one of the little rats has once again infiltrated my homes perimeter. I went to take my dogs outside this morning and a squirrel was on my enclosed back porch. It's sudden movements scared me and brought out the instinct to chase small game in the larger of my two dogs.

Since the squirrels have started this fight I see no other option then to retaliate. I don't see it as an unreasonable request that I give these animals the entire outside world and all I ask in return is that they don't come inside. I now need to find a way to remove the squirrel from my home either by humane or inhumane ways since I have very little sympathy for the flea infested possibly rabid little animal who started this fight. If anyone has any suggestions for squirrel removal please let me know. If no good suggestions come soon I feel I will need to go to extreme measures. Thanks in advance for any help that you may be able provide in this squirrel war.